If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
