I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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