in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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