Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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