my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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