but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My cat gives me a boner
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
