Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
