Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
