The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
