Your tits are I can't wait for
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
