dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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