I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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