so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
meet me or not, i'm out of control
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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