What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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