The maid of honor just puked.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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