He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
