I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
