she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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