Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just found puke in my bra..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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