Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
