oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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