Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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