After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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