accomplished twins. life is a go
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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