I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
