I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
