Screwed.edu
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
