I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
