I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
