I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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