we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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