Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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