she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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