So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
