We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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