I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
