How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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