dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
