So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the condom got lost in my hair
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
