i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
