Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
