I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
