I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think people are normalizing furries
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
