Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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