God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
