I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
