If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
