Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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