We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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