He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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