You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
