you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
