Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
