Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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