Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
