It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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