I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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