i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
