honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
