It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
