Your face is a jimmy john
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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