all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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