Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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