just tell him i said nine months
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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