I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
