We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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